The Sickness

You know what I hate? I hate not knowing something. I hate it when I don't know and the people you'd think should know don't. It all seems to turn over itself when it comes to the doctor though. I go to the doctor and am assured I'm fine but then suddenly I start having these pains and I call and then there is no way to book appointments, or such, and nobody can tell me what to do. It just makes me feel more uncomfortable about things. I just want to make sure that I am okay and that I'm not going to develop some life-threatening disease over the time in which I have to wait until someone can make me a freakin' appointment! Why is it so hard? I took the time to call, obviously I'm concerned. The sad part is, I know it has nothing to do with the people I talked to on the phone--the stupid thing is that Petaluma Kaiser books their own appointments so you have to call on their terms, meaning in their hours when they're there. Which is stupid, because if you want an appointment you're not going to wake up at 6 am just to be the first to call for the first come first serve appointments. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why is it that they want to make their own appointments. I should seriously just change back to Santa Rosa now that I'll be moving there soon enough. ARgh! It just really irks me about that, because this isn't the first time! Anyhoo, it was another lazy uncomfortable day for me. I just try to rest so that I can get better and go about my normal business but it's just not working for me or something. I feel bad not going to work because I know they need people; I just feel so tired all the time, like I can't do anything, and I have this pain that just drones on. It's scary because I don't know what it is, it's scarier that I can't even talk to a doctor about it. So...that sucks even more for me. Anyways, this five day weekend didn't turn out to be so hot for me. Sky and I hung out on Friday. That was fun, of course. It was Saturday that my discomfort started and Sky spent most of the day with me while I was sickly. I sorta feel like sometimes I waste his time when it comes to me, and I hope I don't; sometimes just having him around me makes me feel instantly more safe and okay. I don't know why, but I really hate being alone and not knowing what is going on. It concerns me, ya know? Anyway, he watched over me for some time on Saturday. Then on Sunday he worked all day and I pretty much slept all day, trying to shake sickness. No luck. Call in sick to work today and try again to just rest and let myself get better. Again no avail. So of course, I start to get concerned. I don't know what to do. I would talk to my parents but I know they know as much as I know. So I just know I need to take charge. So I call the advice nurse people and try to schedule appointments but the above reasons impede such progress. So here I am, unsure of everything. Why am I feeling this way? Will it go away? Will it affect me negatively? I just want to feel better, is that too much to ask?

Life Changes

For those who don't know, I've started a big change in my life. I got to the point where I knew I never ever wanted the feeling of not being productive, and the feeling of not getting things done. You know that sinking feeling of "not getting real things done". Well, no more for me, this instant! Thanks to some new books, some audio lessions, and a lot of motivation from me, I plan to change my life within a month. Already I can see in changing in front of me. I'm getting things done, being productive, and enjoying life more. One my big inspirations for success, or my coach right now is Anthony Robbins. Check out his stuff if your looking for something to really grab you to find what you really want in life. Cause you can have whatever your dreams are. Here are some great quotes that I've written down this week.

"There is no good or bad, only outcomes. The goal is to get the outcome you wanted, and learn from the others." - Something Tony would say
"There is a cost and benifit for each action you do" - taken from my Econ teacher
"You can change anything you want by changing the price" - Econ

003 - Backpacks

"A backpack like that takes up 3 times as much space as a regular backpack"

Direct link download: here
Podcast website: here

The Future

When times seem stressful, I like to write. I have so many things bouncing on the inside of my mind, I know I wouldn't be able to sleep right away. Clearing my head for a bit might help put those idea to sleep. I have written out all my ideas, as to not forgot them. I've been thinking a lot of the future right now. I'm nervous, anxious, and a little excited. I've gotten a job now, and the first thing I want to do is get a raise within 3 months. I have a goal of becoming an assistant manager in 1 year as well.I know that if I set my mind to it, it will happen. In other parts of my life, transferring to SSU is a big part. I've gotten letters from the Music Department, and I plan to go there tomorrow to talk to them. If they are busy, or not available, I'll try on Tuesday. I'm interested in a Liberal Arts Major, and I think I want to do composition. The thing that keeps coming up in my mind is that I might, or have made the wrong decision on what to do in college. I love music no doubt, but I also love using computers. I always wonder if I should have become a computer major instead. I bet I would be saying the same if things were backwards. What scares me most about becoming a music major is getting a good job after college. Yeah, I know its hard to know what will come at me in the future, but I feel so much pressure to "get a job" after college, that I feel that music will not take me anywhere. I think this is more me thinking that I'm just going to be a broke artist on the side of the street when I graduate. I think I need to talk to people like at SSU and the JC in the music department, my teachers and such, to find out what they think I can do. I've always been confused to think that if I get my major in music composition, that I can only get a well paid job in music composition. Then I think, there isn't any music composition work out there, and now I'm screwed. See how I'm thinking? That's why I'm so, okay maybe scared, about getting this music degree. What am I going to do after college? But, I don't think it will be that bad. There are so many cool things I'm interested in. Sound, and recording and just some to name a few. I really just love working with audio. I do love playing, but I haven't had much time it feels like. If I really love playing as much as I think I do, I know I need to give myself more time to play. I know these years are hard, but I try to do my best. I really feel that I'm doing a good job going through this all. And speaking of doing stuff, with all that I have done for myself in this last year, and looking up to certain people, I wonder if I could be a motivational speaker. It's something that I have been playing around with in my head for the last few months. Just an idea I have. I really feel that I connect with people well, and I feel I can use that talent in a way to help people, and to make a good and fulfilling living for myself. Maybe add some music to that, and I'm ready to party. So I leave you with this, write your goals down people!

Book I'm reading:

Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

Mom's New Computer

Here I am, posting from my mom's new computer in the office area downstairs. Usually I post from my laptop, at around 10 at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping. It's been a while, so I have a lot to catch up on; hopefully I can do so effectively while I wait for the rice to be done for dinner (18 mins). Anyhoo...it's been a day. Haven't done much really. Woke up about 8:30 a.m. and ate some breakfast. Cleaned up the house and stuff and then went a returned something at WalMart and headed over to the grocery store. And, man! was that place nuts! We got there and there were two cop cars and an abulance outside...something happened inside! But what, I don't know. They had so many Safeway employees blocking the view that I couldn't get a look. Anyways, when we got there there was obviously no parking because half of Rohnert Park had decided to put off buying their SuperBowl snacks until the day of, so it was throughly nuts! I was driving around looking for a parking spot after dropping my mom off by the entrance, and the drive around was just like looking for a spot at SRJC during peak hours. People are camping out to see if anyone near them will back out sometime. And right then something that someone had said in a speech in my Speech class last week came to mind. It wasn't actually a speech, but it was something he had suggested as an "open with impact" statement. Let me clarify that parking at the JC is a nightmare. And because of the nightmare last semester, pretty much everyday I ended up going to school around an hour and half earlier than my class! Believe it or not. This semester I wisened up and instead I'm taking a class at 7:30 am! Woohoo! Anyway, back to the speech thought. He suggested that a funny/witty way to open a speech about how awful SRJC parking was would be to say: "Trying to find a parking spot at the JC is like trying to drive, wipe your baby, talk on your cell phone, and paint your toenails at the same time!" Not only is that remarkably true, in a certain way of course, it was totally hilarious. Imagine someone trying to do that. Luckily when I get there around 7:15 I don't have any issues, and I pretty much get any pick I want. So that, of course is cool. Moving on...

Remaining on the speech topic: I gave my speech on Wednesday of last week (the 1st) and that same day this guy gave a speech about how he hated those rolly back packs. It was soooo funny. Basically, to me, it seemed that he was doing some improvisation right up there. But he was good! He made it funny and acted out just about most of what he was saying...he put his backpack on a rolling chair and rolled around, acting out reasons why it seems silly to even have such a backpack. Not only did he have half the class rolling on the floor, but he made some good points, too! The funniest, and by far the best "close with impact" of the day was: "So, if you see any of those people walking down the path and you see me coming, you might just want to go up to them, tap them on the shoulder, and say, 'Hey, you might want to keep out of his way.'" So great. I'm looking forward to tomorrow when we get to hear the rest of the class' speeches.

So anyway, yesterday, Saturday, we went up to Ukiah for a scrimmage game with my team. It was muy boring. It was such a long drive, and then we got there and the field was totally shitty. There was horribly long grass, two foot holes at each goal (which they filled with CAT LITTER), and everything was wet and cold. It was weird. We played a scoreless 1st half, and then ended up scoring in the second half. The scored ended at 1-1 because the scored a pretty flukey goal. :( But oh well. Then we came home and chilled. I rented The Legend of Zorro and watched that with my mom and dad (my bro was out), and it turned out to be really good! I liked it a lot. :D And speaking of movies, today I watched Finding Nemo after working on some homework. Such a cute movie. Everytime I watch it, it still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Hehe.

That was about all today. I am looking forward to FAMILY GUY at 8:30 for a full NINETY MINUTES! YES!!! I love Family Guy and I haven't seen a new one is so long (actually last week, but who cares). I am excited. Also, the new OC this Thursday should be sweet. Unfortunately, my working boyfriend won't be here to watch it with me.

Speaking of work, I am still out of it. Van Heusen apparently is undergoing some remodelling and I haven't heard anything about it as of yet. Sadly, of course. I am still getting paid (woot woot!), but it still is sorta depressing that nothing is really happening there. But all will be good once we reopen; I'm sure people are truly missing us. I would, that's for sure. I miss it. 0:-)

Alright, well I've probably written too much to handle as it is. Check out SkynMoe #002, our second podcast. You can find the link to it down below. Enjoy! <3,>

Tennis at the Park

You heard about us being at the park from out Podcast, now check out the pics on Flickr. I got some great pics on monique getting some real air on the swings. I also took some shots of myself before Monique got there. Enjoy!

SkynMoe #002 - Cockroaches

“I scream like a freaking banche. And my Grandma comes in beating the wall.”

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