The Sickness

You know what I hate? I hate not knowing something. I hate it when I don't know and the people you'd think should know don't. It all seems to turn over itself when it comes to the doctor though. I go to the doctor and am assured I'm fine but then suddenly I start having these pains and I call and then there is no way to book appointments, or such, and nobody can tell me what to do. It just makes me feel more uncomfortable about things. I just want to make sure that I am okay and that I'm not going to develop some life-threatening disease over the time in which I have to wait until someone can make me a freakin' appointment! Why is it so hard? I took the time to call, obviously I'm concerned. The sad part is, I know it has nothing to do with the people I talked to on the phone--the stupid thing is that Petaluma Kaiser books their own appointments so you have to call on their terms, meaning in their hours when they're there. Which is stupid, because if you want an appointment you're not going to wake up at 6 am just to be the first to call for the first come first serve appointments. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why is it that they want to make their own appointments. I should seriously just change back to Santa Rosa now that I'll be moving there soon enough. ARgh! It just really irks me about that, because this isn't the first time! Anyhoo, it was another lazy uncomfortable day for me. I just try to rest so that I can get better and go about my normal business but it's just not working for me or something. I feel bad not going to work because I know they need people; I just feel so tired all the time, like I can't do anything, and I have this pain that just drones on. It's scary because I don't know what it is, it's scarier that I can't even talk to a doctor about it. So...that sucks even more for me. Anyways, this five day weekend didn't turn out to be so hot for me. Sky and I hung out on Friday. That was fun, of course. It was Saturday that my discomfort started and Sky spent most of the day with me while I was sickly. I sorta feel like sometimes I waste his time when it comes to me, and I hope I don't; sometimes just having him around me makes me feel instantly more safe and okay. I don't know why, but I really hate being alone and not knowing what is going on. It concerns me, ya know? Anyway, he watched over me for some time on Saturday. Then on Sunday he worked all day and I pretty much slept all day, trying to shake sickness. No luck. Call in sick to work today and try again to just rest and let myself get better. Again no avail. So of course, I start to get concerned. I don't know what to do. I would talk to my parents but I know they know as much as I know. So I just know I need to take charge. So I call the advice nurse people and try to schedule appointments but the above reasons impede such progress. So here I am, unsure of everything. Why am I feeling this way? Will it go away? Will it affect me negatively? I just want to feel better, is that too much to ask?